This will be my final blog entry. I've decided to end my blog. I can't guarantee that I won't pick this blog up again but for now it is finished. Erryn I don't know if you still read my blog but I don't won't you to read this final entry as I feel it may upset you. I'm sorry but my final entry isn't funny or anything like that. It is a an emotional entry, and if you don't like this kind of thing, then you'll probably find it sappy and lame. It's about the death of my dog, Jonty. She died today.

She ran in the loungeroom and lay on her little cushion . The sickness well and truely had her now. She was swollen, in the face and around her stomach, she was starting to go blind and now the poor thing was so weak that she needed to sleep most of the time. I admired that she still had the capacity to jog, if only for a few seconds. Jonty snoozed on her cushion while I watched tv. My mother walked in and tearfully informed me she was taking Jonty to the vet. I knew this was coming, I wasn't in denile about the fact my dog had very little time left. Still I thought we might keep her going for another week or two. I sat and watched the television for another hour occasionaly glancing at the poor little white and brown dog laying on her side. Mum came in, we sat on the ground and patted her for a while till I said to Mum "You better take her now". My mother walked out of the room and called the dog. Jonty rose to her feet and began to run out of the room "Wait!" I called after her. I grabbed the dog and hugged her, making sure my chin touched her head as my final show of affection. I whispered "Seeya Jont..." She jogged out of the room doing her little skip in between strides that she'd always done ever since I dropped her when she was a puppy. This would be the last time I would see her. I walked into the bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror. Sadness was painted all over my face. A few tears trickled down my cheeks. I pulled myself together, I had to go to work soon. I left early because I couldn't bare the thought of having to see my sister find out about Jonty. My mother decided that she would leave a note for Erryn saying the dog had died in it's sleep. It would be easier on her this way

The dog is at this moment in time lying in my shed wrapped in a blanket. My dad will bury her when he gets home tonight. I once had this philosophy about love and something similar to love which I called wuv. The difference between the two was that love was something that lasted forever while wuv was temporary love. Love that you only felt while the subject was around. I reasoned most people didnt infact feel love for their pets as they claimed but wuv. With wuv you mourned the death of your pet but quickly got over it usually in a matter of days, no longer then a few weeks. It sounds like a ridiculous theory but I still believe there are shreds of truth in it. But now with this theory I have to ask myself am I same? Do I only feel temporary love for my deceased pet? Or will I always have something in my heart for my dog? The truth is I don't know but right now I miss her. I miss her because there is nothing that can replace the beautiful relationship of a boy and his dog. There are so many things I miss already.

I miss the way she would greet me when I arrived home, she was always so full of joy her eyes were bright, her tail wagged like crazy. I miss the groans and funny sounds she would make. I miss the fact she hated other dogs. I miss how she would watch me eat my dinner, then never eat any of the scraps left on my plate because she was too picky. I miss watching her get excited by the prospect of going for a walk. I miss the way she used to follow me around during thunder storms because I made her feel safe. I miss the way she would shake like crazy for absolutely no reason. I miss how she used to sleep on my bed and never sleep at the end, but right in the centre so that there was no room for me. I miss watching her stress out when my parents went for walks because she didnt think they were coming back. I miss sitting on the floor and having her crawl in my lap and fall asleep, she was always so warm. I miss singing to my dog and having intellegent conversations with her. I miss taking her for walks. I miss how if you stopped patting her she would nudge your hand until you started patting her again. I miss how she was terrified of my friends but would still let them pat her. I miss the fact that she didn't know any tricks or games. I miss the times when I would call her and she would stare at me then walk away. I miss how soft her ears were. I miss the little paw prints she'd make on the pavement after walking through water. I miss watching her get bathed and how much she pretended to hate it. I miss how fluffy she was after a bath. I miss cold nights when I would have to go outside and put on her doggy jumper so that she would stay warm outside. I miss how she always wanted to come inside. I miss the little skip she had in her step. I miss the way she licked my hand. I miss the fact that she loved me so much she was willing to chew through a window just to get to me. I miss the clicky clattery sound her paws made on my kitchen floor. I miss flicking her ears inside out. I miss the way she always made me feel better. I miss her...

There is only one good thing about death and that is that it gives you a renewed appreciation for how beautiful life is. It's through the sadness. It's one emotion people don't feel enough. Not depression, that's something completely different. Sadness is one of the most wonderful things a person can feel, it's so uncommon, it's so hard to hide, and so hard to express. You always feel refreshed after, things feel different. You stop taking things for advantage, your mind starts to tick over and over and it becomes close to impossible to shut your brain down. Atleast that's the way I feel. I can't guarntee others feel the same. Through the death of one of one things I loved most I begin to feel reborn in a way that is quite indescribable. Still all that aside I still miss her.... and I think I always will....