This little story happened about midway through last year. It was a friday I believe or maybe it was a saturday. Who cares not relevant. It was night. Anyways I was at Sam's house and we were bored as. Also at his house was Greg, Dodds, James, Rhys, Daniel{(Lange) NOTE: There are two Daniel's in this story Daniel Lange is just referred to as Daniel while Daniel Charlton is referred to as Daniel Charlton} and Dubs. We sat around Sam's house for a long time until Sam decided to call around and see if anything was happening. We soon found out there was a Scotch party on in some far off suburb. Sam went nuts with excitement. I was no where near as entusiastic. I was actually considering going home. I didnt feel like going to some Scotch party that I wasnt invited to. But the gods had smiled on me on that night. The stupid side of my brain beat the sensible part again and so I joined my friends on the journey to the mystery party. Fourty minutes later we arrived. As I hopped out of Dubs's car with Dubs and Rhys we ran into Ferney and Norris who were urinating on some poor guy's fence. They informed us that you had to be on the list to get in and that once they verified your name you recieved a purple stamp on your hand. Damn! We couldnt get in. We waited out front and talked to people who came outside to urinate. Daniel Charlton came out every now and again and chatted to us. Eventually James, Sam, Greg, Dodds and Daniel decided they would try and creep through the nextdoor neighbours yard and try and find a backway in.

Rhys, Dubs and I decided not to. I didnt want to go with them because I didnt want to get caught sneaking in then get chased out, or get in and have someone ask me who I was and why I had no purple stamp then be all like "uhhhhhh...." Sam, James and Co. failed in their mission. They tried it again a second time although this time without Dodds. Meanwhile Daniel Charlton came up to us again as the others attempted their second mission "alright, I reckon I can get you guys in, all I have to do is pretend you go to scotch, I'll tell them you're all good guys that wont start trouble and they'll probably let you in" So we tried. We walked up to the parents who were guarding the entrance and Daniel Charlton tried his best to con them into thinking we were Scotch boys. He did a good job and they seemed to buy it. He gave us the names of several Scotch people who werent attending the party. I was 'Ben Smith' It looked like we were about to get in when. "Oi! dont let them in, look at this guy!" the cap wearing guy says as he points at me "He's a nazi!". Now he said this because I was wearing a coat with a German flag on it. This isnt the first time a drunk moron has accused me of being a nazi for wearing a coat bearing a German flag on either sleeve. One of the mums guarding the entrance replied "I don't know I think we should let them in they look like nice boys I mean look at him, look how nice he's dressed" She points to Dodds who happens to be wearing his formal suit (God knows why. Formal was the week before this party) "I think we should let them in, yeah, come on in boys". Yes! it worked we were in

We got in, Dodds, Rhys, Dubs and I that is. By this time it was about 10 o'clock. "hahaha we got in and those other chumps didn't!" I cried in delight refering to my other comrades and their foolhardy sneaking into party ways. Gentlemen we have arrived, this was gonna be a sick party and I knew it as I stared on into the crowd of 80ish people. We wandered around for about ten minutes commenting to each other how big this party was. Every now and again there was a loud "Dubs!" as someone recognised him. I wondered through the crowd aimlessly until I spotted Sam, James, Greg and Daniel. "Hey! you guys got in!" turns out Charlton got them in aswell. I was impressed that Charlton had just got eight people into an invite only party, especially Daniel who had his mohawk up. Sam had brought with him a goon sack (as many of you know this is the way of Sam, he loves his cheap wine) I was desperate to get drunk to get more appreciation for the kickass party I was now attending so I mooched some goon off Sam. I walked to the shed at the back of the yard it's doors open there were people sitting on couches inside, many were drinking goon aswell. I was nicely drunk by now and became superfriendly. I got into one of my supergood moods. This is Louis at his best this is when I pull out both guns, my wit and humour just hit home every time I say something. I start cracking people up and I become everyone's bestfriend. Tonight was the night. Prime Louis Time. After I had become friendly with several of the shed people. I started talking to James near the hillshoist. He was eying some of the girls. We noticed a good looking Goth girl and I dared James to go up to her and tell her a funny pick up line. "Ok but what?"
"Well I could give you a super bad blunt one that would result in instant rejection but still it would damn funny and I think she would laugh"
"Uh ok what is it?"
"Just go up to her and say 'Hi my name is James, wanna fuck?' it'll be gold!"
"hahaha alright"

after working up enough courage James tried his pick up line. I watched from ten meters away and giggled. It failed. Obviously. But it failed reeeeaaaallly bad. Because I am a moron I thought the girl would probably find some humour in it because it was such a dumb thing to say. She didnt and I believe she was quite genuinely offended. James returned "I dont think she liked it". I felt a bit guilty. We continued partying till about 11 20 when suddenly the cops turned up and people started pouring out of the party "Dammit! Louis we've only been here for like an hour and now we have to go!" complained James
"Yeah that sucks I replied. We left and did the next logical thing, headed to Hungry Jacks which leads on to the funniest part of the night.

We rocked up to Hungries at about 11 45. We went for the more convienient drive-thru. I was in Dubs's car with Rhys and Daniel, while Sam,Dodds and James were in Greg's car. The drive-thru was packed and we were stuck waiting for the cars infront of us to get their food. I noticed that infront of us was a taxi-van I was drunk out of my skull and in an adventurous mood. I got out of the car. I heard a cackle of laughter from the taxi-van and decided I wanted to investigate. I walked over to the left of the taxi and looked in through the left back passenger window. What I found was a bunch of drunk thirty something women. Correction four drunk horny thirty-something women. Isn't life full of surprises?

If I had been Glen Quagmire from Family Guy I probably would have given out a loud "Alllll Right, Gigidygigidygigidy!"
"Hey ladies" I said in my smoothest voice remembering the fact that I was quite capable of being a cocky little prick when I want to be. "How's it going?"
"Hey there little boy" they cooed back
"How are you tonight ladies?"
"We're great" replied the blonde closest to me she would be the one who would talk the most
"Go back to your car kid" said the girl in the front. She looked a few years younger then the others. I wasnt deterred
"How old are you" the blonde asked
"17 and you?"
"I'm 34... Do you have a girlfriend?"
" Yes I do"(This happened while I was still going out with Jo Doley)
"Where is she tonight?" said the women next to the blonde
"She's at home, her dad wouldnt let her come out tonight"
"Tell me little boy... are you a virgin?" said the blonde
"I can't just go around telling you all my secrets now can I?"
"Oh really?" she replied
The conversation continued for about another three or four minutes, they continued asking me questions, most of them about my sex life, and they cackled every now and again at my response, overall nothing to exciting was said until...
"So you girls still having a good night?"
"Yeah" they all replied minus the woman in the front
Then the blonde leaned over closer to me and said "You know you're pretty cute for a 17 year old......... Why dont you come here and kiss me"

If I had been drinking something at the time it would've exploded out of my mouth in shock right into the taxi and onto all the drunk thirty somethings. Suprised and also very pleased with myself for being able to seduce a women twice my age I replied sounding suprising like Dave Hughs "Sorry love, but I can't I got a girlfriend"
"Oh come on" she said in a sexy voice
"Sorry but, I got a girlfriend and I can't do that to her.... however... I do have friends who are single"
I motioned by waving hands in a crazy fashion at Greg's car and Dubs's. Greg's car was infront of the taxi's while Dubs's car was behind the taxi. I wanted to get James to come out because he'd been looking for girls all night and I wanted Daniel to come out because well, it would just be damn funny. James never saw my gestures as Greg mysteriously drove away as I gestured. I forget if anyone in Dubs car saw my arm waving but no one came out.

"Hmmm I should probably go back to my car now, have a good night ladies" "Seeya sweety" they cooed as I left

I left their taxi and jumped in Dubs car laughing my ass off at what had just happened. "hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha oh myyyyyyy gooooooooood, You'll never belive what just happened to me!!!!" I explained the entire story to them and told Daniel he should've come out and had a chat with them. "Were they good looking" asked someone (probably Daniel).
"They weren't bad looking as far as thirty-four year olds go" I replied. The next day it suddenly dawned on me what a friggin creepy experience I had just had. For all I knew if I had kissed that woman her next line may well have been "Wanna come back to my place?" and this woman was twice my friggin' age! When she was 16 I hadnt even been born yet. I also felt a bit guilty not for being a tease to the women but more for the fact that I was going out with Jo at the time. I told her about what happened and she found it funny but I got the thought in my head 'maybe I shouldnt've done that even if it was harmless fun and not real flirting.' then again if I didnt I wouldn't have the funny story. And in the end isnt that what life is all about?

The title is no joke. Last week I did infact get beaten up. Here's how it happened, it was Sunday and I was bored I made a gut-wrencing decision to go on the computer. I was having a great time talking to people on msn(well not that great). All the typing made me hungry, so I ventured to the kitchen to make myself some pasta. I had just finished preparing it when my sister came home. "Don't go on the computer I'm still using it" I called to her as she sat on the computer chair. She ignored me. I walked into the blueroom where my comp is and said "Erryn get off I'm stil using that"

Erryn: "No you're not you're making lunch"
Louis: "I just finished preparing it now it will take ten minutes to cook, now get off"
Erryn: "No"
Louis: " Erryn will you please get off"
Erryn: "No, You're making lunch, I'll get off after you've finished you're lunch" *

*NOTE: This is an obvious lie she wouldn't get off after I finished my lunch she would stay on for about another hour after I'd finished

Louis: "Erryn, don't be a bitch, I was on here first"
Erryn: "Geez Louis, stop being such a dramaqueen"
Louis: " Erryn get off" (x4)
Erryn: ignores me
Louis: "Don't make me do this, Erryn I really don't want to do this, but you're giving me no choice, I'll ask you one more time, please let me back on the computer"
Erryn: ignores me again

It is at this point I decided I'd had enough. I didnt really want to use the computer that much and I would've been willing to let her use the computer while I ate my lunch if she had just asked me. The fact that she didnt and that she refused to get off the comp, just reinforced what I already knew. My sister had absolutely no respect for me. She'd done things like this before, for example there'd been countless times when I'd been watching TV, she would enter the room and change the channel to watch what she wanted. As much as I complained she just ignored me, and I was powerless. Well not this time! This time she would learn some respect this time she would listen to what I had to say! And how could I do all this? how could I get her to listen? how could I teach her a lesson? Simple. I pinched her

What happened next was a blur. I have never been so shocked in my life as I was when my sister reacted to that pinch. Now many people have been victim to my pinch's and while it is 'girly' it is the perfect way to get revenge on someone. I pinch hard. The beauty of the pinch is that it hurts so much but does no real damage minus a fat bruise. It stings for about 5 seconds after it has been recieved and one may feel an achey feeling for a while, plus the fact the pinched flesh is a bit tender. However everyone is fully aware a pinch is not that bad, even one of mine. Out of ten in terms of severity I gave my sister a six, the pinch held for two seconds(I've given people pinches that last for ten seconds). Now we come to the scary part... her reaction

She shrieked and began a two minute long tyrade of insults "YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE!!!!" plus many more equally charming barbs. I took a step backwards in horror, as she rose from her chair she began to let loose with barrage of attacks. WHACK! she punched me in the face BAM! then another punch to the top of the head. Followed by several kicks to the shins and stomach, I stumbled backwards onto the counch and she continued punching me in the head. Then all of sudden she bolted from the room still screaming at me. God knows where she went, but as soon as she left I bolted to both doors that led to the room and locked them. She returned seconds later , still completely crazy, "Louis open this fucking door!" to which I replied "Hell no you're gonna friggin hit me again". Again she went nuts and started pulling at the door, banging on it with her fists and kicking (she ended up breaking this door, it wouldnt close properly, but I fixed it) I cowered in the bluerom as she tried the other door, again yelling profanity at the top of her lungs and banging on the door. Then... silence. There was silence for about five minutes until BANG! BANG! BANG! "Louis! Open the door I want to get my stuff!". My reply "No way you nutcase, you're gonna hit me again!"
"I won't just open the fucking door!"
"I'll open it if you promise not to hit me"
"Open the door!!!"
"Do you promise?"
"YES!!! JUST OPEN THE FUCKING DOOR!!!"
"Ok I'm gonna open the door, you cant hit me"
I open the door.

She stormed in grabbed her stuff then walked over to the computer and switched it off. I stood and watched then called her childish.She left the blueroom and went and sulked in the loungeroom. Later I ventured to the kitchen and saw that she had taken the pasta I was cooking and dumped it in the sink. I shook my head in disbelief. Atleast I had got her off the computer, so overall I had won the battle. I don't think the actual pinch was what set her off, I think it was the fact she didnt think I would have the tenacity to stand up to her and fight for my right. Then of course there was also the fact that I had locked her out of thr room. During this whole ordeal my parents had been out on a walk so they would never know of this and I preferred to keep it that way. Later on I went to my room to get something and what I found was this. My room had been totally trashed. My sister had taken all my clothes from my washing basket and thrown them all over my floor, she had pushed all the stuff off my desk, gotten several of my draws and emptied them on my bed and finally taken the quilt off my bed and thrown to the other side of the room. She had single handedly raised the bar on how to be crazy. Oh and did I mention she's twenty years old?

REVENGE OF THE SIS
This is the comment my sister left after reading my 'Louis Get's Beaten Up' Entry

By Erryn Wenzel my sister

Just a short rebuttal: Firstly this story is a little exaggerated, but you should all know by now Louis has a tendency to do this. Secondly Louis likes to dominate the computer (perhaps it’s the ego, maybe the testosterone, possibly he’s madly passionate in love with it, whatever) I don’t see why it was so hard for him to let me check my e-mail, it only takes 5mins, and for the record I would’ve gotten off when he’d finished lunch. Thirdly I was in a bad mood, subsequent to a bad day. You should all know I did not punch my brother (I don’t think I even know how to punch) he was on the blunt end of a few girly slaps (granted they were fairly hard girly slaps, but girly slaps none the less.) As for the going crazy part that’s not too far off, but as I said I’d had a bad day and the fact that my brother had the audacity to inflict pain on me for getting on the computer made me snap (it REALY hurt, if that pinch was a 6 I’d hate to experience a 10) I wouldn’t exactly say crazy though, more a combination of being extremely pissed off, in a little bit of shock and pain, and attaining my revenge. In conclusion, I’m not proud of what I did, but I would say that Louis may have won the fight for the computer but I feel I won the battle. Louis don’t forget you my LITTLE brother, you’ll get your respect when you earn it, not through pinches and certainly not by acting such a little girl. Oh and by the by, I don’t appreciate being bagged out on your little blog here, id watch your back or you might just get slapped down again ;)

My Reply: I remember your fists being closed which makes it a punch even if it didnt really hurt(I never said it did). Also you never ASKED me if you could go on the computer, if you did I would've said alright. You were never supposed to see this blog although I thought this may happen consequently let me say to the masses that for the most part you are a good sister and not some psychobitch. This was infact the biggest fight that we'd had in about two years. If I genuinely hurt your feelings well you suck and feel free to get over it. The reason I published this story is because it was funny on reflection and made for good story telling. I didn't tell it to make you look bad. Although that's what happened, but lets face it there is no way I can tell that story without you coming off looking pretty bad. I have merely presented my view of events and now you have presented yours. Now let this be the end and there will be no further mention of these past occurances.

and Erryn don't worry that's the only bad story I have on you for the moment anyway. I won't publish anymore stories about you unless they are extremely funny or outrageous as this one was.


PS. Feel free to make your own blog(If it doesnt already exist) saying how much I suck and talking about all the bad things I've done to you. <

It was Friday, I did something, can't quite remember what. Saturday I went to the football with me pa and watched the Crows lose I game we really shouldn't have. Then I went to Jono's party and it was good. I got there at about 10:30ish and arrived to find James was completely shit-faced. I recieved a half bottle of whisky from Chris and started drinking.

Chris: "I had to take this off James otherwise he would've drunk the whole thing"

I began to weave my way through the party becoming increasing charming as I consumed more alcohol. I began talking to group a people in Jono's kitchen when I noticed there were bowls of onion positioned strategically around the kitchen. I decided that people were ignorant of the vast bounty of onion bestowed upon them and as such began distributing it among the party guests. After this most of what happenes is best translated in my memory as 'scene missing', It's kinda like hearing an eminem song on the radio where every second word is bleeped out so by the time the song is over you're thinking 'what the fuck was that?' and 'I don't understand with all those parts missing!?'

example: "You *** *** I'm gonna *** your *** if you *** my *** Puppies *** and *** not to mention *** my ***"

*** represent missing parts

Once I was drunk as a skunk I decided to see what was going on in Jono's room. this is one such part where much has gone missing and I can only remember the key parts. I remember Kif was sitting on Jono's bed and she asked me to come sit with her or something, I walked over and collapsed on the bed I think I may have been lying in her lap but I cant quite remember... and that doesnt seem right. This is where I did the stupidest thing you can do when drunk. I closed my eyes and zoned out. This is a bad thing to do because as most drunks know getting horizontal when you are dead set drunk sets the world spinning and you begin to feel nauseous. I think (all though I had no real perception of time) I may have had my eyes closed for a good 10 minutes. It was during this time that Kif suggested that Kelly (a girl I barely know although I'm sure she's a lovely girl) should come and make out with me. I didnt really take much notice as I didnt think it would happen, but to my surprise she came over to me and started kissing me! A bit shocked I did the only thing I really could do, kiss back. This went on for a while (once again no idea how long, lost perception of time) until, WHAM!!! It hit me, a sudden rush of nausea , I quickly (a quick as a drunk can go) left the room. I walked out of Jono's house and to a side street where I sat down and felt sick, I decided I hated the feeling, so I did the logical thing and stuck my fingers down my throat making myself vomit. I felt relief and the need to lie in the dirt. Minutes later I returned to the party and continued being really cool. I commented on how fucked I was. More blank parts. I can't really remember much more from the party except talking to various people such as Braden (about Napolean Dynomite) Jo D (about Breakfast Club) then ofcourse Dubs, Daniel, James, Nick B, Chris, Sharai ect ect.

At about 1 30ish James and I left the party and started walking home. Soon James found his house and went to it, as people do. I continued walking to the top of my street which is next to Hungry Jacks, when I noticed out of the corner of my eye PEOPLE ON THE ROOF OF THE SHOPS ACROSS FROM HUNGRIES!!! Well it wasnt that amazing but anyway it turned out that these 'people' were graffitti artists taging the shop roofs, they looked about 14ish. I stood and watched in drunken awe as they climbed from the front side of the roof, as a car came past, then back once the danger had gone. It took them a good twenty minutes to do a few tags, primarily because of the traffic. As I watched with eyes half closed and mouth half open I began to hear voices from behind. I followed the voices to the road next to mine. Gulfview. I walked about 20 meters from where I had been standing watching the graffittiers. I came to a house, I could hear the voices they were male. As I apporoached I noticed figures emerge. "Eek!" I thought. I quickly jogged back to my previous position as graffiti watcher. I turned and watched as five males aged probably somwhere between 16 and 18 began walking down the street. They all wore blue singlets balaclavas and a about two or three held crowbars. I stood and gawked at them as they walked past me crowbars and all. They continued on down the street past me, never taking notice of the drunk moronic potential witness to what ever crime they were about to commit.